Posted in Anxiety and Depression, Identity, Life

Feelings

We’re approaching the middle of month eight of a nine-month deployment. Everything is still crazy here in the US. My husband isn’t happy in his job. I frequently struggle with major impostor syndrome while teaching kids at our homeschool co-op, but am also 100% confident about my editing skills, as if that’s the ONE thing about me that’s not crazy. At the same time, I frequently wonder if I’m the one who’s crazy, and my gut intuition is entirely wrong — but I can’t let go of it.

I wish I could post more often; I wish I could write anything more often. But I’m in survival mode right now. I already need another seaside vacation, staring at the water — alone — while my brain takes a break from being an adult.

Sometimes it feels like I’m wading through some kind of absurdist reality, and the things I’m feeling will change by the next day, like I’ve managed to ground them just by sleeping. But I keep waking up in the same place.

I want to trust my brain; trust my training in research, logic, and making conclusions. But I’ve never fully trusted myself — except where editing is concerned — but also never been able to shake my inner convictions.

I’m a freakin’ MESS. 😅

And so very tired…

Posted in Life, Uncategorized

I Don’t Know What to Write About…

My life is incredibly full, but also incredibly boring. 😅

Wanna know what I did today? I vacuumed out all the vents and replaced the air filter (took my tallest step-stool and a hanger with a metal hook, because I couldn’t reach the top latch, and didn’t want to haul up the dang ladder from the garage). Then we drove forty miles (round-trip) to pick up a book, because I’d said I was going to pick up the book today, and the appointment that was also supposed to take place in the same town was cancelled. But it was a nice day, and we missed traffic, so it wasn’t bad!

See, extremely exciting. 😆

Oh, I DID go to Starbucks for the first time in ages, and I’m SO happy they have oat milk now! I can get mochas again!! I’ve not been great about avoiding dairy (American cheese is my last holdout, as well as the occasional pizza or Mexican food). So I got a pumpkin-spice mocha today. Yes, mocha. The milk-to-coffee ratio is too high in lattes, and mochas are my jam. Or were my jam, because I had to give them up because the milk was too much. I tried hemp milk other places, but it’s too sweet and also hurts my stomach a bit (but makes an amazing extra-spicy chai, oh my word – like drinking a spiced oatmeal cookie).

Um. Yeah. I guess my little cleaning jag was the first one I’ve had in a while. I vacuumed our rooms, too, which is not something that gets done often. It’s like spring cleaning in reverse. I need to attack the cobwebs and the ceiling fan next, and continue the household purge.

I’ve never wanted to be a minimalist more, but I’m not sure if it’s in my nature. 😆 Or maybe it’s just that I need to give it a chance, which I never have. I love clothes, office supplies, movies, books, and being prepared for everything – and I’m a terrible housekeeper. Not the greatest mix ever. 😉

I don’t know what else to write, so I might as well wrap this up before it becomes another draft sitting in the queue, because I don’t get rid of those, either. 😅

Bye!