I realized this will be my FIFTEENTH YEAR participating in National Novel Writing Month! Even if all I did was sign in and open a document during November, I counted it. I had two (2) babies in that fifteen years (one of which is going to be TWELVE (12) in February!!) and it’s hard to type one-handed. But I’ve managed to make it to 50K in 30 days at least three, maybe four times, which is pretty darn good for me.
Usually, however, I have some seed of an idea by the time October or November rolls around. This year I’ve been obsessing over a different story in October that I don’t want to work on for NaNoWriMo, but I do not have an idea for November! I’ve discovered that I have more fun writing cute little romance stories (instead of big epics or long, involved fiction) for NaNo, because the average pulp romance is just about 50,000 words(ish) long, and it’s not too hard to get from start to finish in thirty days.
But I can’t decide on an idea! So I’m going to ask the intarwebs to help me choose. Below is a list of “meet cutes” or pairing ideas that I’ve listed over the year, and you can either vote for your favorites in the comments, or give me some other new ideas. I have nothing to reward you with if I choose your idea, other than my gratitude and a promise to do my best to write that story in 30 days. Sorry. 😅
Here you go!
They see each other regularly at a gym or coffee shop, and start talking
They’re stuck at the top of the ferris wheel, one is panicking and the other is talking them down from the other car
Receptionist & Patient at a doctor’s office
Accompanist & Soloist
Concert Musician (or Candidate) and Stage Manager
Actor and Pit Musician
Sick Shopper and Helpful Clerk/Pharmacist
Librarian and Researcher
Flight Attendant and Nervous Flyer
Makeup Artist and TV Star/Host
Do you have favorites? Other ideas? Ideas for these ideas? Throw them in the comments! Throw out things I should include in the story! Name someone! I don’t care; it’s my 15th year and I want to win it. 😉
Thanks in advance, everyone! If you are a NaNoWriMo participant this year, tell me about it! How many years have you done it? What’s your plan? What are you writing? I want to hear your strategies!
Thanks again!! 😁
P.S. If you’d like to hear some of my tips and tricks for participating in NaNoWriMo, check out my Rainy Day Writing Guild video, HERE!
I’ve had two retreats, two weekends in a row. The first one — last weekend — was a ladies’ retreat for church, and came after a couple of extremely busy weeks, so it was nice to spend some time away with people I loved, and take a little time to breathe and worship God. That one was at a house by the ocean.
This weekend was my favorite Christian writing retreat in the mountains, in the complete opposite direction from the other one. It was restful, cozy, worshipful, and productive. I wrote over 11,000 words of a story I might eventually publish, but for now am just enjoying the telling of. I love the characters, I love making them interact, and they are very useful for catharsis when I’m going through stressful life events — because I can make their lives far more stressful than mine, so that mine doesn’t look nearly as bad by comparison. 😆
I also wrote a little 200-word scene for a contest we had during the retreat. It was a “Worst of the Worst” contest, and the three categories to choose from were Worst Kiss, Worst Action Scene, and Worst Fantasy Monster. Only two of us entered (it’s not a big retreat, and not too structured so we can feel free to concentrate on writing or doing the things that free our minds to write better), so we both won prizes.
Here is my “Worst Action Scene”, for your reading pleasure. 😉
Deep in a mud puddle, somewhere nearby, lives an amoeba. It is a lone amoeba, wandering to and fro, traveling great centimeters, on an adventure. Until suddenly it spies, tenths of millimeters away, another amoeba heading its way—moving at a high rate of speed. If they don’t change course now, in mere quarters of an hour they shall surely collide.
“Beware!” the first amoeba calls out to its speeding counterpart. “Or we shall surely crash!”
“I can’t stop!” the other amoeba replies. “You will have to move first!”
The first amoeba is panicking now. Whole minutes have passed, and they have moved dangerously close. Half a millimeter separates them, and if amoebas could sweat, they would both have produced buckets.
Closer and closer they get, until they can see the whites of their nuclei. But, at the very last sixty seconds, they slide one hundredth of a micrometer to either side, floating past each other by a cilia’s breadth.
If amoebas had hearts, they might have stopped. If they weren’t already so, they would have wet themselves. It is such a close encounter, they will remember it for hours—or at least until the puddle dries up.
I’m going to go write more of my other story now. I could probably expound on my last two wonderful weekends, or the crazy things going on in life right now, but I don’t want to. My characters have more angst to work out.
The following is a draft from August 2015. I might not have posted it because it was the one I’d taken so long working on, that had reverted to an old version of the draft after I’d tried to post it. It’s complete, and has relevant information about my journey from then to now, so I think I’ll post it today. 🙂
—————BEGIN POST FROM AUGUST 2015—————
I remember updating my blog every day. I would have to resist updating a few times of day, because I had nothing else to do. Those were the early days of marriage, after I’d graduated college, and could clean my apartment in an hour. (This year marks fifteen (15) years of marriage for me and my Sweetie. Where has the time gone??) But now? It will take days to do the amount of cleaning I need to do in this house, and my rugrats keep my mind running in circles all day, even if I don’t accomplish a darn thing.
But those aren’t the changes I’m referring to!
Since posting about adult ADD, I’ve sought professional help, and it’s been lovely! I haven’t received medication, because I wasn’t seeking anything more than cognitive (“talk”) therapy, and while I still struggle with anxiety and depression, I have a better roadmap for dealing with it. I have also managed to pinpoint the less-obvious triggers and make some rather monumental (a.k.a. “hard”) decisions regarding my life that have made a big difference in how I treat myself.
The first big, hard decision was owning up to the fact that I’m a lousy Mary Kay consultant, and, well, maybe I should admit that it’s not a career I should be pursuing. I already knew that, and wanted desperately to improve, but I was not making the improvements. It was driving me CRAZY that I could not even make myself do what I kept planning to do, or what it would take to make me successful at this career. How hard could it be? People from all walks of life could make it in Mary Kay (or direct sales in general).
But I am not a direct seller. Approaching strangers (or even friends) to sell them stuff is just not in my programming, and trying to program myself to be able to do that was blue-screening my motivation to do anything. It took years to come to this conclusion, because I believed that telling myself I was not meant to do direct sales was “stinking thinking”. You don’t tell yourself you’re not good at something! You tell yourself you’re excellent at it! And you will BECOME EXCELLENT.
Dear readers, I’m going to tell you right now that there are wonderful things I’ve learned from Mary Kay that I will always be thankful for, but IT IS OKAY to say that I AM NOT A DIRECT SELLER. Forcing yourself to do something you do not enjoy in order to fit a niche you believe you should be in works only for certain personalities — but not for mine. Mary Kay is a wonderful company, with a great product. The troubles I had with my own business are completely separate from the business at large. I’ve just finally come to realize that direct selling is not something I enjoy or want to do with the rest of my life.
See, I’ve always wanted to be a writer. I’ve been writing stories since I could form sentences. The first time I “quit” Mary Kay was to become a writer, but I didn’t have the discipline for anything nor did I have the support structure I have now. I used writing as an excuse, rather than a true chosen career path, because even then I didn’t believe that it was something I could realistically pursue in my life. It wasn’t a “real job”. No, I wanted my “real job” to be motherhood — so when my husband came home from Afghanistan and we started our family, that’s all I had in mind.
Of course, then I signed back up with Mary Kay, days before giving birth to our first child. Again, for some, this is fine. For me, it was a spontaneous choice perhaps fueled by hormones and the fact that my husband was not thrilled with his job. Don’t sign up for life choices when you’re eight months pregnant, ‘kay? Wait awhile to see what you’re up for. Ian was a difficult baby, and my life and demeanor was just not geared toward making money off strangers buying stuff from me, or for being organized in any way, shape, or form. Home businesses require organization, and that is another weak point with me.
I was loyal to my team and to my director, whom I love dearly. But I can count on one hand the number of skin care classes/parties I held in my entire two attempts (about nine or ten years, total) at being a consultant. I was not a productive member. I was spending more than I was making, and I was constantly guilting myself over my inability to just DO IT. Was I scared, or was I just lazy? Why did I constantly feel this insane mental block when it came to picking up the phone, or trying to work out the logistics of a single party a week? Why did I never say a word to people in the store, even when it was obvious they were looking for skin care or makeup, and I could totally help them? Was I just that unskilled? Did I just need to get over myself?
But, then, I feel such great satisfaction in being in my house, creating worlds and characters and fashioning stories out of thin air, participating in NaNoWriMo (and winning!), and telling everyone about THAT? When it comes to writing, I can’t shut up! When it comes to singing, and telling people about Symphony and Lyrica concerts, I can’t shut up!
What I finally figured out (but probably knew for a long time) was that, perhaps, I needed to honor the fact that I have an artistic personality that needs to pursue artistic goals — and I needed to leave the business to the business people.
I’ve purged much of my old Mary Kay stuff that’s been sitting around, staring at me and waiting for me to sell it/use it/give it away, and am building up my artistic self. I have a great writing group, which is more like a support group than just a group I write with. I actually believe, now, that I really can publish a book, or use my word skills to make money if I wanted to. I’m jumping with joy that I will be joining the Bremerton Symphony Chorale for the 2015/2016 season (at least), which I couldn’t do in the past because it rehearsed on MK meeting nights. I’m trying to put together my crafting nook, so I can spend more time knitting and sewing, things that bring me great joy and sense of accomplishment.
I didn’t want to “quit” Mary Kay, because I felt committed to my director and my sister consultants, and it felt like if I quit, I was “not being true to my potential” and just “being a quitter”. I was avoiding the things that brought me joy, even through hard work, for something I thought would eventually bring me joy through the hard work I would have to force myself to do for years. It did scratch an itch for teaching and leading — which I enjoy very much — but not as much as running workshops for my writing group.
So you see where I’m going with this. It was scary to admit this to my husband, who never thought direct selling was for me (but greatly supports my pursuit of a writing career), but whom I wanted to convince I could cut it, and even scarier to admit it to my director, to whom I was deeply loyal and did not want to disappoint. Once I finally did these things, though, and gave myself the permission to dress the way I wanted to, and wear little or no makeup out in public, and spend my time not focused on my family or house in creative pursuits, my outlook on life began to improve considerably! I’m happier, my husband is happier, and my friends, whom I just don’t call often on a normal basis, are happier that I’m not only calling them to hit them up for sales.
My house is still a mess and I have a LOT of work to do in various other areas of my life, but freeing up that anvil over my head has lightened the burden immensely. And now I’m making actual progress on my novel(s), with a mind to publish them, and I’m ridiculously happy with my decision to follow that path.
A lot has changed here at WordPress since I started blogging here. Even since my last post! And it’s high time I started using it again.
I used to blog all the time — nearly every day — but that was before kids, and kind of before blogs became a professional industry. After that, I was conflicted: Do I join the industry, and try to make a blog that had the potential to be monetized? Write high-quality posts about relevant topics, or try to make my boring life funny and interesting? (Truth be told, the latter was already my favorite reason for blogging, but suddenly there was the pressure to produce, and I had far less time — and brain power — to spend doing that.) Or do I continue to just write whatever I want, in any format I want, and not bother competing with the professionals?
Obviously, the latter choice is the better one, for someone busy and not planning to make money at the task, but . . . writing is one of my joys, perhaps even strengths, and professional blogging looked like fun! On the other hand, with little kids running about and all the distractions that life brings, a single, well-crafted blog post took me hours — hours I didn’t have time for. And being as disorganized as I am, I couldn’t prioritize blogging like I used to, and couldn’t focus on it once distracted from it. And then I couldn’t decide whether to draft the whole post in the web editor or in a word processor, because I once had lost hours of work after proofing in the web editor (the old one) and losing it to a site glitch. It was an enormous setback, especially after I’d sacrificed so much time I should have been spending with my family to try to write something that wasn’t going to have any purpose. I put aside blogging for awhile, because the tedium of going from word processor to web form was taking even more time. I’m a ridiculous, nearly-OCD perfectionist, and I wanted to make sure EVERYTHING MATCHED. The things must match, or they would haunt me.
I have issues. 😆
There are a lot of things I want to talk about, besides my stupid eyes (I really can’t believe I spent so much time posting about that; I’m feeling a little self-conscious about it now — though I did recently, FINALLY, get new glasses that work just right, but there’s more to say about it than just searching for glasses). My kids have eating disorders and we’ve finally gotten therapy for them; I’ve passed on to them Joint Hypermobility Syndrome, which I’ve just learned is a thing, and explains SO MUCH that was not previously explainable, including visual weirdness; I’ve been learning more about ADHD, ADD, “Sluggish Cognitive Tempo”, and executive function difficulties; depression and anxiety are very real, potent manipulators of my productivity (or lack thereof); military life, even as good as we have it, brings a measure of experience and “fun”; and I need more writing motivation. Among many other things.
There are more reasons for blogging than not blogging, and I need to work on getting over my issues so I can get back into it. That may still take some time, but maybe I’ll have something here for my imaginary friends sooner rather than later. 🙂
My dear, sweet friend and writing buddy, Joy, nominated me for a Liebster Award! Near as I can tell, it’s a sneaky way of collecting more readers and getting to know other bloggers (I’m not saying she’s sneaky, though — I’m quite honored, and it looks like fun!).
I’ve heard it described as a blog chain letter. It also resembles the MySpace quizzes I used to fill out by the dozen, especially when I was bored while my husband was deployed. I’m not judging, because I loved those quizzes. That is, until an ex-boyfriend became miffed over one of my answers and Huge Ugly Drama ensued (it had been bottled up for nine years, so it was probably time, anyway). And then I chose Facebook over MySpace and became too paranoid for quizzes. IRONY.
Where was I?
Oh, yeah: The challenge is fun, but the cake is a lie. 😉
ANYHOO… The rules (the current ones, anyway; they’ve changed quite a bit over time) are thus:
1. Write 11 facts about you.
2. Answer the questions given to you by the one passing on the award.
3. Come up with 11 new questions that you will pass on to your nominees.
4. “Tag” 11 blogs that have under 200 followers (preferably ones you like and follow, yourself).
5. Leave a comment on your nominator/awarder’s nomination post so they can come see your answers!
I guess there can be an award amongst the pool of nominees if you read everyone’s answers and pick your favorite? That’s not specifically in the rules, but the rules have changed a lot over the years, so it probably doesn’t matter if you add your own flair!
BUT I DIGRESS! Whew! This is already long, and I haven’t even started yet… Story of my life, I guess.
FACTS ABOUT ME:
1. I’m longwinded to a fault, and love telling stories with dramatic, often humorous flair. It’s possible you noticed this if you read my blog posts. Or even the first part of this blog post. 🙂
2. I’m only 35, but my hair is already going silver in the front. It’s my Rogue streak. Even though it was brought on by mere genetics, and not some crazy mutant power drain (unless you consider pregnancy and children to be that power drain), I think it’s cool, and it makes my husband — who has very few white hairs, himself, despite the Army — jealous, so I’m not likely to dye my hair to get rid of it.
3. I am the queen of the almost-but-not-quite run-on sentence, preferring a challenging, complex use of commas and other punctuation to pack as many ideas into several phrases as possible before the period shows up. #2 has a fine example of this. I also have a tendency to punctuate with emoticons. 😉 (I DO know the proper use of a semicolon, though; I don’t only use them for winking.)
4. I like cheap wine. Not TOO cheap; I’m a connoisseur of the middle shelf, and rarely pay more than $10. I prefer reds, generally, and am going through a zinfandel phase right now. Cheap beer, on the other hand, is suspect. Often, if it’s not a microbrew, I’m not interested.
5. I’m an inveterate perfectionist. You wouldn’t know it by looking at the state of my cluttered house, but I struggle with the all-or-nothing philosophy of cleaning: If I can’t do it all, and do it right the first time, I’d rather not do it. I don’t recommend this philosophy.
6. Caffeine makes me anxious, but I am and addict. I make an 8-cup pot of 1/3 caff coffee in the mornings. I’d given up coffee for a long time due to stomach issues, but I have little boys who wake up earlier than my brain does, and coffee is more substantial than tea most of the time. If I have a good supply of milk, I’ll opt for Earl Grey or Lipton. Also, my husband’s coffee tastes better than anything. I don’t know why; it just does.
7. I have a rather irreverent sense of humor, and I love a good parody. Overall, I try to be positive (emphasis on “try”) for people who don’t find my version of funny quite as satisfying, but sometimes a well-placed, witty remark about reality feels more appropriate than a silver-lining hope statement. Sometimes, I’d rather laugh than float, know what I mean? 🙂 That said, I don’t like making fun of people without a REALLY good reason. I even have trouble with trash-talk, until I’m comfortable with a person. Even then, I say “just kidding” reflexively, so they know I really am just kidding. I never know if someone’s going to take things personally.
8. Two of my favorite subjects for discussion are religion and politics (I’m non-denominational Christian and a conservative with libertarian leanings, respectively). I’ve taught myself to be diplomatic, though, so I still have friends. 😉 I have to bite my tongue a lot to keep from being a little too #7 when I see something that really needs it, and ad hominem attacks are right out. Seriously, if you can’t argue without attacking the intelligence of the person you’re debating, you will never, ever win a discussion. A good, reasoned debate or deep discussion is like steak: Rare enough to be enjoyable but tough enough that it takes a little work to sink your teeth into. Ad hominem attacks are the nasty gristle that totally ruins the experience.
9. I’m a visual learner, for the most part. If I listen to something, I don’t have as good a chance at remembering if it’s not paired with a visual, I’m not taking notes, or I don’t have a really good analogy to visualize. I love analogies, as evidenced by the end of #8. 🙂
10. Two things I’m good at: Writing and singing. But I’m not a song writer. Not yet, anyway.
11. I like posting to my blog, but it takes HOURS to write an installment. Often, by the time I’m done, I either have neglected kids (and husband), or the hours have become days, and the post is no longer relevant. That is why my posts are so few and far between. I have a LiveJournal from my pre-children days (started in 2004), which I used to update all the time. It’s a Twitter aggregator, now. 🙂 (For further illustration, I started this post last week.)
QUESTIONS FROM MY NOMINATOR:
1. You’re stuck on a deserted island with a vacuum cleaner, a bowling trophy, and your jerk ex-boyfriend, what do you do?I’d build a raft — with or without his help — and tell him to go find someone to rescue me. He could take the bowling trophy to use as a signal if he runs across a ship. In the meantime, I would enjoy some peace and quiet, using parts of the vacuum to build things I’d need to survive on the island. Either way, we probably couldn’t get along in close proximity, so even if he didn’t want to take the raft (and I’m not gonna; I get seasick), he would have to live on the other side of the island and find a way to trade sincere apologies for vacuum parts.
2. If money were not an issue, what would your dream career be? Or would you even have one? Would you just lounge around in a hammock drinking Mai Tais all day?While lounging in a hammock drinking Mai Tais all day sounds SOOO fantastic (and definitely on the list of things I would do on a tropical vacation where money was not an issue), I would be a full-time, market-be-darned writer. I would take regular mini-vacations (by myself!) to write and get my head on straight, and then I’d come home and write in a real office. Or a recliner; since I’m dreaming, my house would be big enough for one. And I would have a professional organizer, decorator, and housekeeper. Maybe even a nanny. 🙂
3. What is your biggest pet peeve?Inconsiderate people, especially drivers. I don’t mean accidentally inconsiderate, either, but people who spend their lives making other people angry, miserable, or uncomfortable, because they can’t be bothered to be polite, acknowledge the rules, or be selfless for a minute.
5. Who is/was the most influential person in your life?Probably my dad. If you’ve heard me tell a joke or make a pun, then laugh my butt off while my audience groans, you’ve just seen my dad’s sense of humor in action. I have his same way of speaking, same thirst for knowledge, same sense of humor, same favorite foods, and same ability to fry in the sunlight. I wish I could have inherited his work ethic and organizational skills, too, but I can’t have everything.
6. Who is your favorite horror writer? If you don’t like to read horror, who is your favorite author? And why?I don’t read much horror, but R.L. Stine’s Fear Street series has a special place in my heart. I devoured those books when I was a teenager! However, I’d have to say my favorite author is Lois McMaster Bujold. I love her turn of phrase and the characters she creates. She writes deep, emotional plots that have lots of room for humor and action. I want to be just like her when my writing grows up!
7. What kinds of things inspire you the most?Visual cues (abandoned or empty buildings, dark forests, people-watching); vivid, emotional dreams; old RPG characters who either got some time in a fun campaign, or not enough time to live up to the backstory I took hours creating; tragic “what if” scenarios I mull over to entertain myself on boring stretches of highway; and really great music that invokes my emotions or imagination.
8. What scent or taste reminds you of your childhood? Why?Ooh, this is a hard one. I think seasonal smells are the strongest: Cut grass and dust remind me of summer vacation, the sharp bite of a frosty morning reminds me of going back to school, roasting turkey and cinnamon-laced desserts remind me of Thanksgiving and Christmas, and there’s a certain smell of humidity and sun-warmed vegetation that reminds me of summer car trips to Louisiana and Florida with my family (as well as the smell of the cool of the early morning as we’re packing up for the next leg of the trip). Perfumes and colognes bring me back, as well. My dad wore a certain cologne on Sunday mornings that I could smell from my bedroom before I got up in the morning (waaaaayyy long time ago) and Mom always wore perfume. Windsong was my favorite. She still wears perfume, but not as much the ones that trigger childhood memories.
9. Determined Dexter the Diplodocus was walking home from work one day and he happened upon his arch-nemesis: the evil Doctor Mumbado. What does he do?He steps on him. What’s the use of being fifty tons if you can’t throw it around once in a while?
10. What is your favorite memory of your parents? My mom: When driving cross-country without my dad (he was either about to deploy on a submarine, deployed, or coming back in and would meet us at our destination), I got to ride shotgun and be Mom’s navigator. We’d play trivia games, especially “name the state capital”, and the Alphabet Game. In the hotel or at my grandparents’ house, we’d play cards. “Spite and Malice” was our favorite; I had at least a chance at beating her. I tried to teach her “Speed”, and she wiped the table with me every time — even the round where I was teaching her. My dad: Just about any time he was coming home from sea. Also, the day he shaved off his beard, which he’d had forever, and scared my little brother, who didn’t recognize him at first. That is hilarious, even now.
11. “Excuse me, madam. Do you have the time?”Always. I can’t go anywhere without my watch. Managing it is a completely different story.
12. What happened to number four?It’s looking for the cake.
Now I’m supposed to come up with 11 questions for the 11 people I tag. Um. I don’t have 11 people to tag. I have just one, and I don’t think he’s going to do the challenge, but I’ll tag him anyway. He’s my Sweetie, and he’s an 11. 😉 I’ll try to make his questions fair, at least, so he doesn’t feel like I’m giving him the third degree, and I’ll make them generic enough that I could tag someone else with them later.
1. What is your favorite dessert?
2. Who is less of a pansy-whiner, young Anakin Skywalker (Ep II & III) or Luke Skywalker? Why?
3. What is your favorite holiday?
4. If you had your choice to live anywhere in the world, where would you, and why?
5. The last two jobs on earth are being an IRS agent and cleaning swimming pool filters. Remarkably, they pay the same. Which would you choose, and why?
6. “I think, therefore I _______.” (Fill in the blank)
7. Do you believe in supernatural phenomena?
8. If you had to be too hot or too cold, which would you prefer?
9. You’re stranded in a desert and find a genie in a lamp. He offers you one wish. What would you wish for?
10. What is your earliest memory?
11. “Why don’t you just make ten louder and make ten be the top number and make that a little louder?”
Until I find more to tag, I tag my Sweetie, Sigspace.
JetPens.com — a great site for finding unique writing utensils, stationery, and office supplies from Japan, Korea, Germany, and even the U.S. — recently had a request on their Facebook page for people to sign up for the opportunity to review products on their blogs, and, naturally, being the lover of writing utensils that I am, I signed up!
I know my blog isn’t exactly a high-traffic area, and I really didn’t think that I’d be one of the people selected, but it sure sounded like fun! Honestly, I didn’t even know the pool size or how they were going to do it — I just wanted to write about [free] pens! What did I have to lose?
So imagine my surprise when I got TWO packages from JetPens.com, one being my order of PilotFriXion 0.4mm and Uniball Style Fit refills (which I will review later). I thought that maybe they came in two shipments, or something, but when I opened one and got a pen that I was pretty sure I didn’t order, I worried a little. Oh my goodness! There’s been a mixup somewhere! I thought I’d gotten someone else’s pen!
This juicy felt pen probably wouldn’t have been something I would have considered for myself (mostly because I’m afraid to draw in anything that isn’t erasable), but it’s kind of like JetPens.com read my mind regarding my desire to try out more felt-tip pens just for writing purposes. And how did they know that orange is one of my favorite colors? 🙂
I played around with it a bit:
Proving indelibly the reason erasable drawing medium is a better choice for me:
It’s a fun pen, and it’s going into my “favorite pens” box for future fun uses! I might even consider buying a couple more to play with. I like having good, strong pens for writing.
As for JetPens.com, itself: I LOVE that website! There are so many pens! I find myself drooling over something new every time I visit there!